


But I Can't Accept That We're Estranged

by M3m3mnt0M0r1



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Azura Has A Personality, Camilla Has Issues Fellas, Camilla Is A Lesbian, Character Study, Daddy Issues, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/F, Female My Unit | Kamui | Corrin, For Suspense Reasons, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Sexual Content, Kamui Has A Personality, Kamui Is A Lesbian, Mental Health Issues, Mommy Issues, Multi, No Deeprealms, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Revelation, Pure Elise, Sad Camilla, Sassy Azura, Slow Burn, Smartass Leo, Suicide Attempt, This Is Camilla After All, ish, unhealthy attachment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-04-08 01:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19097350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M3m3mnt0M0r1/pseuds/M3m3mnt0M0r1
Summary: "Camilla. The three of us have noticed you've been...distant lately." Leo and Elise nodded in unison. Oh dear. The King of Nohr was using the voice he reserved for speeches. Camilla wished she had a second glass of wine.The princess raised an eyebrow, "Really?" She stabbed a piece of meat off of her plate and gently placed it in her mouth.As she chewed, her older brother's eyes turned downward. Her own brother pitied her."We know it's not about the banquet, but--"He opened his mouth to speak more, but Elise cut in instead."It's about Corrin, isn't it?"





	1. Desperate

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking on this fic! Title taken from "Without You" by David Guetta. Enjoy!

Camilla was desperate.

"Is something wrong, Camilla? You have a strange look on your face." Xander spoke, his voice echoing in the colossal chamber.

The Rose of Nohr was seated at the dinner table. 

She inhaled, raised her chalice of wine to her lips, swallowed, and then responded, "Nothing, my dear brother."

An exhale, then a smile. Camilla hoped it was convincing. In truth, a certain she-dragon had been plaguing her thoughts as of late. Princess Corrin of Nohr had become Queen Kamui of Valla. Though Corri--Kamui ruled a country away, Camilla couldn't find it within herself to let go.

Kamui was her pseudo-sister, her confidant. Yet after the war, she had traveled to Valla without so much as a goodbye. All the nights they stayed up, staring at the stars; all the songs they sang during the winter holidays-- and Kamui could just walk away.

Camilla had even told Kamui about her mother. Given, it was under the influence of mead, sweet and hot burning her throat, but regardless--she thought it intimate. Divulging the horrors of one's childhood took trust. 

She supposed she should have known her beloved Corrin would leave her soon. (It made sense in her mind to refer to Corrin as hers, whereas Kamui was not.) She never revealed that her Corrin was not her true sister. Or that Nohr had two princesses before Corrin came along. But those facts didn't make their relationship any less real. 

Their lives were still intertwined, threads in the great tapestry of life. Camilla raised her glass once more, downing the whole thing. She snatched her napkin from off the table, rubbing the soft fabric against her lips, staining it maroon. 

Breaking the silence, Elise spoke up, "Are you enjoying your wine, big sis?"

"Clearly, did you see how she guzzled it?" Leo murmured under his breath.

"Leo! We do not speak like that at the table!" Xander reprimanded.

Camilla let out a little sigh and then began to cut at her steak. Without Corrin, the royal family had lost its peacemaker. Corrin was the oil that kept their gears from running together. 

Usually, the process went as follows, 1) something happens, then 2) Elise attempts to diffuse the situation before it explodes (exacerbating it instead), then 3) Leo gives a snide comment, then 4) Xander scolds him, then 5) Corrin steps in (actually solving it). Now, however, Camilla had to be a peacemaker. More accurately, she should've been a peacemaker. She let the petty arguments die out instead; her siblings would get tired eventually. Resume the norm until the norm returns. Thus far, her method had worked flawlessly.

Yet as the silence returned, Elise asked her question once more, "Cami, how was your wine? You never got back to me, y'know." 

Camilla stopped her knife and looked up: mauve met lilac, "Ah, it was quite delicious, darling. Are you enjoying your meal?"

The youngest princess nodded, "Yes, Camilla. Isn't the filet mignon to die for?"

She nodded, resumed cutting her meat.

"Why so silent, sister?" Leo's words stopped her once more.

Feigning a yawn, Camilla formed a response, "I'm just tired, dear brother. All that planning for the Hoshidan banquet." It was true; the first annual Hoshido-Nohr banquet (following the war) had left Camilla working late into the night. While it wasn't the main thing plaguing her thoughts, it surely was a contender.

Xander furrowed his brow; he didn't believe her. Camilla let out an internal sigh. He was about to ask her yet another useless question.

"Xander, do you have any suggestions for the banquet?" A bright grin covered her face, cloaking her lie (hopefully).

He cleared his throat before speaking. Most likely a habit from his younger days, to cope with his social anxiety. 

"Camilla. The three of us have noticed you've been...distant lately." Leo and Elise nodded in unison. Oh dear. The King of Nohr was using the voice he reserved for speeches. Camilla wished she had a second glass of wine.

The princess raised an eyebrow, "Really?" She stabbed a piece of meat off of her plate and gently placed it in her mouth. 

As she chewed, her older brother's eyes turned downward. Her own brother pitied her. 

"We know it's not about the banquet, but--" 

He opened his mouth to speak more, but Elise cut in instead.

"It's about Corrin, isn't it?" Camilla was shocked at this development. She knew the youngest princess was observant, but never thought she'd get the courage to express that trait. In hindsight, the war must've given it to her. 

The elder princess set her utensils on her half-empty plate. Her voice hardened. It hurt to talk about Corrin, but she didn't want to lash out at Elise either. She focused on a happy (read: upset) medium.

"Oh, Elise." Her lip quivered ever so slightly, but she stopped it as soon as it started. "How did you know?"

The girl herself seemed shocked that she'd figured the older woman out, not to mention the fact that said woman admitted it.

Instead, Leo sighed. 

"Could we stop dancing around Corrin's distance? Nohr reminds her of the Northern Fortress and Hoshido reminds her of Queen Mikoto's death." The three other royals sat slack-jawed. Their brother had never been one for speaking up.

Met with no hesitance, the prince continued, "We, collectively, are the King, Crown Prince, and Princesses of Nohr." True. "We are the embodied spirit of a country that kidnapped her, isolated her, and borderline abused her." Camilla clenched her fist. "We ruined her childhood." Her eyes filled with tears.

Camilla launched upward, her chair screeching against the cold stone floor in protest. "We loved her! We cared for her as best we could under our father! We grew up with her! And she decides to leave it all behind to revive a country she only recently discovered?"

"Camilla!" The King shouted, multiple emotions flitting across his face.

Leo's face softened. "Camilla, I'm not justifying her actions. I'm only trying to explain them."

The younger princess pushed her chair backward, then stood up. She marched around the table to Camilla's seat. 

The elder princess turned her neck to watch her. 

"Elise? What are you--?" Said princess leapt at Camilla and pulled her into an embrace. 

Her mouth was pressed into Camilla's arm, yet her words were clear.

"We're all hurting. We need to heal." At her words, Camilla untensed. She relaxed into the hug, and whispered into her hair.

"Yes, darling, we do."


	2. Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kamui and Azura chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for clicking on the second chapter of "But I Can't Accept That We're Estranged"! I changed Corrin/Kamui and Azura's personalities a little bit, since canon wasn't very kind to their characterization, but I hope you enjoy!

Queen Kamui of Valla was lonely.

Her mother, Mikoto, had died before her eyes. She was forced to kill her father, Anankos, and her 'father' Garon. 

A crystalline voice rang out, "Kamui, you're distracted." At least she had Azura. 

"I'm just thinking about what to do with the Hoshidans and Nohrians technically in our territory." Since both countries had given Kamui land to rebuild Valla, there were citizens of either nation that slipped through the cracks. 

Azura exhaled, blowing a strand of hair out of her face, "That's not it, Kamui. You're thinking of something else. Don't try to lie to me." Her golden eyes shone with a spark that hadn't been there for a long time. 

Kamui remembered when Azura never spoke with contractions. When she spoke slowly and softly, never making eye contact. How the war had changed her.

"Oh, fine. If you must know, I'm a little nervous about the upcoming summit with Hoshido and Nohr." Azura raised her eyebrow. "I mean, Ryoma expects me to be this level-headed, emotionless ruler. Hinoka still feels guilty about something that happened years ago. Takumi and Sakura look up to me as if I'm a god." The songstress nodded. "Meanwhile, in Nohr, Xander wants me to be cordial yet indifferent. Camilla refuses to see me as anything other than her little sister. Leo distances himself from me and Elise wishes I lived in Castle Krakenburg with them. They all want me to be what I'm not."

Azura cocked her head.

"Why do you care what they think?" It was a plain question. Why did Kamui care what the royals thought? 

She hadn't seen them in months, since the battle in the first Valla. They'd all agreed to peace among their lands, then gone their separate ways. Kamui had declined every invitation to meet with each family; her excuse was she didn't want the Hoshidans to think she preferred the Nohrians (or vice versa), but in reality, she had a kingdom to run. 

After Anankos's demise, the Invisible Soldiers reverted back into Vallites. No dragon meant no curse, apparently. However, no dragon also meant no Valla. As the nation crumbled around them, Kamui's army led the Vallites on an exodus. 

The displaced people resided in border towns in Hoshido while royal soldiers built homes, shops, and other necessary buildings. Kamui was obligated to take care of Azura's people. Of her people. Beside the fact that she destroyed the only home they ever had, the two cousins were predestined to rule. Rather, Azura was, but then decided to waive her right to the throne, giving it to the next in line (i.e. Kamui). 

Upon the latter's questioning, Azura gave a succinct answer, "Too much blood spills when I'm royalty. Maybe you'll have a better shot."

Thus far, it had gone okay. The people didn't seem to mind the fact she'd decimated their home. They considered the curse being undone a fair trade. After the situation had been explained, the people agreed to a constitutional monarchy, as long as they could elect officials for legislature and write said constitution. Kamui accepted the terms sans hesitation.

Still, her thoughts drifted back to both a kingdom of light, and one of dark.

Why did Kamui care about the people she hadn't seen in almost a year? Well, she grew up with half of them. With Xander's polite laughter. With Camilla's cozy hugs. With Leo's sharp wit. With Elise's tender smiles. The other half were friends, sort-of-siblings that grew close to her during the war. Ryoma, with his much too serious dialect. Hinoka, with her hot-head. Takumi, with his quiet determination. Sakura, with her gentle eyes. 

Upon Azura's waiting expression, Kamui admitted it aloud. "I care about them. They're...family. Ish."

The songstress chuckled, "Familyish? That's what you're going with?"

Kamui sighed, "Whaddya want me to say? They're sure as hell not family; if the Nohrians were, they would have retrieved me from the Northern Fortress. If the Hoshidans were, they wouldn't have allowed me to be taken in the first place."

Azura snapped, "Hey, the Hoshidans treated me just fine."

"After they kidnapped you!" Kamui fired back.

"After the Nohrians kidnapped you!" Azura stepped toward the Queen.

"Because Garon thought Sumeragi killed your mother!" Kamui stalked toward the songstress.

"Garon had no right to 'avenge'" Azura made finger-quotes. "my mother's passing!" She jabbed a finger into Kamui's sternum.

"I never even had a mother!" She shrieked, eyes slammed shut.

Azura gasped. She took a step back. Another.

She swallowed, then spoke in a shaky voice, "Kamui. We both need to calm down. You're under a lot of stress, and our argument surely didn't help. Now, please put your tail and wings away."

Kamui opened her eyes. She looked into her cousin's eyes. The golden orbs were flitting about the room, avoiding the person before them. 

The Queen flexed a muscle in her back. A whoosh of air followed. Her wings were out. She did the same with a muscle near the small of her back. Yup, her tail was there as well. 

A deep inhale, then an exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe in. Breathe out. After a bit of this, she felt the appendages retreat into her body.

Kamui stepped forward to her frozen cousin, hands out to placate her. She noticed Azura's muscles were tensed, as if she were about to run. 

Each step made the woman flinch. Yet as soon as Kamui rested a hand on Azura's shoulder, the tension melted away. 

The Queen hugged her advisor. 

"I'm sorry, Azura. I didn't mean to lash out at you. Please forgive me." She whispered into her ear.

Azura rubbed her back. "It's okay. Let's get back to planning, alright?" 

She smiled, an olive branch. Kamui smiled back. 

They had people to govern and a summit to prepare for.


	3. Stressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elise and Camilla prepare for the banquet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking in for the third installment of "But I Can't Accept That We're Estranged"! Ft. more Elise and a reference to Elise & Sakura's support! The chapter's a little bit shorter, but another will be published soon. Onto the third chapter! Enjoy!

"Are we sure we have everything in the carriage?" Xander's voice boomed over the scuttling servants. 

Leo put his palm against his face, "Xander, you've asked that question several times. I'm sure we have everything for the banquet." 

It was an unusually sunny day in Nohr, the first in the year, and the banquet was to begin in two days' time.

Meanwhile, Camilla was helping servants ready the horses. Camilla wished her siblings would have allowed her to arrive on her wyvern. Riding on the back of a flesh-eating reptile was simply more enticing than in a stuffy carriage dressed to the nines. Perhaps the presentation, Camilla mused to herself.

"Are you excited, big sis?" Elise clung to Camilla's arm, even as the latter brushed down a horse. 

"Oh, you could say that, darling." Camilla offered her a grin. "I'm just a little..." Nervous. Hopeful. Curious. "tense." Definitely not thinking of what Kamui would think of the princess when she saw her.

Elise frowned. "I'm sure everything will turn out alright. After all, the Hoshidans seemed nice enough last time we saw them. I can't wait to see Sakura!" The younger let the older's arm go, clasping her hands together instead. 

"We've been sending letters, y'know! She's been helping my fluency in Hoshidan. I've been helping her with Nohrian." The teen had stars in her eyes.

Camilla finished groomed the steed. "That's lovely, dear. Have you two discussed anything beside linguistics?"

As Camilla strode toward the main carriage--the one that would contain the royals-- Elise babbled on, "Y'know they have their very own string instrument? It's called a koto, I think. The player gets to wear these funny little things on their fingers. Cool, right?" The elder princess wasn't paying much attention, yet it was nice that Elise offered a distraction.

Her mind was too full; plagued of thoughts about Kamui. She knew she shouldn't think of the woman that much, but she couldn't stop. 

Months had passed since she'd seen her face. Years had passed since she'd seen her smile. Oh gods, could Camilla even remember what Kamui's smile looked like? Was it even? Crooked? Sharp? Smooth? She couldn't recall.

And now she would see her Corrin in a stuffy room, in a scratchy dress, talking about boring international policy. Her Corrin would pretend to be professional, though she'd be insanely uncomfortable. Her poor Corrin would be a girl in a too big dress, a crown that was too big for her head. She was only twenty-four--how could she rule efficiently?

Beside that, she'd have to share her Corrin with the Hoshidans. King Ryoma and the rest were good people, but more people in attendance created less one-on-one time with her Corrin.

She needed to know if she was alright. How she was feeling, how she was sleeping-- Camilla needed to know all the details. If Corrin asked her, she'd lie. She would be feeling wonderful (read: horrible), and sleeping just fine (read: waking up every hour). It wouldn't do to have her darling Corrin worry about her. 

Camilla had been through hell before, what was another trip?

Unless, for some strange reason, her Corrin didn't want to see her. Camilla hadn't planned for that. Eh, that was the worst case scenario. It wouldn't come to that. 

She hoped.

Elise shook her out of her thoughts, "Cami, are you listening?" The teen had latched onto her sister's arm once more.

The elder princess gave a tired smile. "Yes, of course, sweetie. So koto players have contraptions on their fingers?"

A short while later, after Elise had prattled her little heart out, it was time to set off. The horses were fed and watered, their luggage was loaded into another vehicle, and the royals themselves were seated in their carriage.

It would take but a day to reach the assigned location: the capital of the New Valla. All three parties (Nohr, Hoshido, and Valla) had agreed upon it, for it was the virtual midpoint of the nations.

However, the Nohrians wished to scope out their surroundings first, for multiple reasons. One, to see what their dear Corrin had built. Two, to make sure no assassins could catch them by surprise during their stay. The King, Prince, and Princesses had targets painted on their back; many Hoshidans, Vallites, or otherwise still held hostility toward the four (although their possessed father was responsible for the vast majority of misdeeds).

Regardless, the early bird gets the worm. And the early bird they would be.


	4. Erratic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kamui has a bit of a breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for clicking on the fourth installment! This chapter is a little lengthier than the previous three, just a headsup. Enjoy!

It was a demanding day for the Queen of Valla.

Azura had proclaimed she'd cover catering for the Hoshido-Nohr summit, and Kamui had finished readying the nearby hotels for both royal families. 

Everything was ready, and yet...

The summit was causing a stir among the people; the vast majority of Vallites, due to their previous phantom state, were unaware that the two kingdoms even existed. And their Queen would be housing the foreigners in the capital?

She could understand their position quite well. For gods' sake, it was how the Hoshidans felt when Ryoma proclaimed they were "strongly encouraged" to house Vallites. Xander didn't have the same issue; Nohrians weren't kind to foreigners, and the once-invisible people preferred Hoshidan sun rather than Nohrian gloom.

Although the current situation involved eight people and the previous one involved thousands, the Vallites were quite patriotic. They believed in a royal bloodline, and were overjoyed when the throne was restored. Kamui had a lot to learn from them, including but not limited to: their myths and legends, farming practices, songs, clothing, and language.

Kamui understood Vallian quite well--perhaps a gift from her true father-- but had trouble speaking it. At public conferences, she had Azura translate for her; the princess had learned it as her native language, and had spoken it throughout her childhood. Speaking to more native Vallites seemed to bring her fluency back in full force; it was as if she had never left.

The Queen was lucky to have the songstress. She was trilingual, honest, and an overall nice person. Plus, the people liked her. With her cerulean locks, honey eyes, and style of dress, she was the perfect Vallite royal.

And yet she had deferred the throne to Kamui. 

Even though Azura had given up the throne of her own volition, the Queen felt like an imposter. Kamui had silver hair, carmine eyes, and was a fashion disaster. She couldn't speak the language of her people, and was only fluent in one language: Nohrian.

Regardless of her doubts, Azura had trusted her to rule. Azura, her cousin, her best friend, believed that she could rule. She would rule as best she could. 

Even if that meant she would see her family...ish.

Kamui couldn't understand how the Hoshidans were so attached to her. She lived with them until she was six, but she didn't have a personality then. Every child thinks the same things up to a certain age (six was not that age). Thus, when she was kidnapped, they didn't even know the true her. 

So for years the Hoshidans held her to some unrealistic standard based on half-formed memories. When she met them again at beginning of the war, their faces fell just as quickly as they had risen. The Corrin they'd been expected turned out to be a mercurial nineteen year old. Where was her calm temperament, her polite diction? At least they'd warmed up to her during the war, realized that they couldn't change her, and made their peace.

The Nohrians on the other hand...the Hoshidans had the excuse of being in another country. The Nohrians visited once a week, one at a time. As the years wore on, the visits grew rarer and rarer.

Despite this, Kamui shared many intimate moments with the four; Xander expressed his worries about being the next king; Camilla confessed to her mother's murder; Leo discussed his alienation from the two; and Elise talked about her insecurity of being the youngest of the five royals. In turn, Kamui revealed some of her secrets: she knew she wasn't a native Nohrian, she'd never had any romantic feelings (toward boys, but she kept that detail to herself), she'd contemplated suicide, and she felt an odd kinship and understanding with wyverns (Camilla's in particular). 

Otherwise, she spent her days locked up in the Northern Fortress with Felicia, Flora, and Gunter. 

She grew up with the former two, and considered them family. Not familyish, but real family. They knew her secrets. She knew theirs. They learned and ate and played together. 

Felicia was her first kiss. It had been a humid day in the summertime, and Kamui claimed she'd wanted to get it over with--in reality, she'd had her eye on the maid for a good while. Both girls were almost fifteen, and Felicia was quick to accept. It was sloppy and messy and wonderful. One kiss turned into two, which turned into three, which turned into a full make-out session. 

After the two broke apart, hair messy and panting, they agreed that, while something was certainly there, Kamui and Felicia were better friends than lovers. During the war, however, they agreed to a friends-with-benefits situation, to take the edge off.

Flora knew of the girls' exploits, but kept quiet whenever Gunter suspected something. Yet when Flora learned of their agreement during the war, she told Kamui, "If you hurt Felicia, I will not hesitate to turn you into an icicle." 

When Kamui mentioned that an icicle had to hang from something to be an icicle, the girl replied, "That could be arranged." Needless to say, Kamui made sure to keep Felicia content and satisfied.

As soon as the war (and their affair) was over, she'd received letters from both. Flora's was written in calligraphy, on crisp stationery, detailing her new appointment as Chief of the Ice Tribe. Kamui had to make sure she'd visit sometime; it'd be interesting to see Flora in her element-- and to know what she had managed to avoid.

As for the other twin, Felicia had become a commander in Nohr's military. Her prowess in combat had caught the attention of several generals, and she was currently rising through the ranks. This news was written in scrawled, jagged words on a crumpled napkin. Kamui chuckled when she saw it; the job hadn't changed Felicia in the slightest. The ex-maid mentioned how she was now in a relationship with a Nohrian swordswoman named Selena. Kamui was happy for them, even though she had no lover. Yet.

The only reason she hadn't visited either of them was Nohr itself. Besides the droopy weather, if she stepped one foot over the Nohrian border, her 'siblings' would come in a hot second. She loved them, of course, but they could've made more of an effort to rescue her from her stone prison.

Kamui had been confined to a cold, uncaring building for thirteen years. Over half of her life, she'd been trapped. Although Flora and Felicia were a comfort, they were servants. They could have feigned friendship and affection. Even after her kiss with Felicia--the one that the maid had initiated, despite Kamui being the one to bring it up--she still held her doubts. 

She was royalty; people sought to please her, not tell her the truth. It was, in part, why she valued Azura so highly. The songstress had never lied to Kamui, and the Queen believed she never would. The cousins had been through too much to avoid the truth. 

However, the Nohrians thrived in ignorance. When Kamui had first refused to side with either nation, they'd clung to nationalism. In their minds, the best way to do that was through supporting the king. Despite the fact he let his people starve. Despite the fact that he killed millions of innocent Hoshidans just because he could. Despite the fact his goal was to destroy Nohr from the inside out.

Their blind faith in dear old dad almost got everybody killed. Hell, it practically started the war in the first place. 

Kamui could forgive their neglect. She could forgive their naiveté. The Queen of Valla could not--would not--forgive the abundant loss of life they had caused.

Technically speaking, every royal involved was responsible for the war. Kamui knew that, logically, the Hoshidans were just as much to blame as the Nohrians. Nevertheless, she was more bothered with the Nohrians. 

Knowing the four--growing up with them-- she hadn't expected them to be capable of such atrocities. Of course she'd heard Camilla was a beast on the battlefield--her lust for battle supposedly rivaled Peri's-- but she had never imagined its full extent. Nor had she thought her older brother Xander was able to cut down multiple men and women and--dear gods, had he killed children too?-- in quick succession. Leo used Brynhildr to massacre dozens of enemy soldiers at once. Elise, being a healer, had likely killed no one, but she was still complicit; The princess had aided the war effort.

Although, in the end, all armies managed to defeat Anankos, the true villain, but did the means justify it? How many people had Garon fooled or blackmailed? How many soldiers died in each battle?

Despite the months since the war ended, these thoughts still afflicted her. 

Did her actions truly fix things? Kamui couldn't help but feel as though as a peaceful approach was possible. The blood that stained Hoshidan and Nohrian hands soaked hers. 

How many people had she killed? During each battle, she had utilized her dragonstone, turning into her reptilian form. How many sons and daughters had she burned alive, caught in her unrelenting barrage of flame?

She prayed to the gods for forgiveness. Perhaps in defeating one evil, she had created another.


	5. Excited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nohrians arrive in Valla! Ft. Leo's hidden depths, Camilla's sensuality and sexuality, and a secret code!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking in for the fifth installment! Bonus points for readers who can decode the message! Enjoy!

Neo-Loulan was a hive of activity.

Vallites strolled all over the street, a hair's width away from each vehicle. Camilla wondered how the citizens avoided getting hit. In Nohr, the avenues were wide and the carriages narrow, thus solving the hypothetical conflict. If a vehicle happened to collide with a pedestrian, it was the latter's fault; they should've paid better attention.

Yet as the closed carriage passed the citizens by, their eyes held stares of disgust. As if the carriage was in the wrong. Not like it could only travel on roads, whereas the pedestrians could travel virtually everywhere. 

Camilla hmmphed, pretending to be angry at something so trivial.

She knew why they really stared. They were Nohrians. Corrupt, devilish, psychopathic. The look wasn't new to the elder princess.

It was in her maid's eyes, when she found Camilla's bloodied nightgown after her mother's corpse was discovered. In her mother's as she drew her last breath. In Azura's as she cut down a Hoshidan kidnapper. In Corrin's as Camilla hacked away at enemy lines.

The princess was a monster. She knew the fact as well as her own name. It was her title, her blessing, her curse. 

It was the one part of herself she could always count on.

Well, beside her feminine assets. 

She'd used her body to get what she wanted since she'd blossomed. A flash of cleavage here--a treaty would be signed. A wiggle of the hips there--a political threat was neutralized. Men were so predictable. 

Women were, too. Camilla had used her figure for own needs, of course--not just those of her country. There were two reasons she had chosen her retainers: 1) they were both women, and 2) they were better at much more than combat.

While Selena and Beruka were both talented in the sheets, they also provided emotional comfort. Camilla consoled the redhead when she woke up, drenched in sweat and tears staining her porcelain face. Severa listened as Camilla recounted her mother's abuse. Beruka and Camilla bonded over their shared "monster" status; they were both shells, hollowed out by the blood staining their hands. 

Oh, how Camilla wished they were here now.

Selena had left two weeks ago with her partner, Felicia. The two had been together for several months--Camilla hadn't laid with the redhead since then--and were visiting the ex-maid's sister who lived in the north. 

Beruka, unfortunately, had fallen ill. It wasn't anything major, but physicians suggested she remain at Castle Krakenburg, so as to keep the illness confined to Nohr. Camilla had (reluctantly) agreed, to her retainer's protests.

Thus, the princess was alone. Well, not physically alone. Elise sat beside her, and her brothers across from her. Each with their own worries bouncing around their head.

Her own felt insignificant. 

As the carriage rolled to a stop, Camilla observed her surroundings. They were in front of a one-story wooden building. Ruby lanterns hung in intervals off of the roof. It looked like an extended hand, beckoning them forward.

"Let's unload, shall we?" Xander exited the vehicle, offering a hand to Camilla. She accepted his outstretched appendage, stepping onto the smooth terrain. Elise took Xander's other hand, hopping down behind her. Leo sprung out with ease, sending clouds of dust out like a ripple.

As soon as his boots hit the road with a thump, the servants in the caravan got to work. They brought out luggage, supplies, and, of course, gifts. They had to reward their Corrin for building her own kingdom from the ground up; it was quite the impressive feat.

It took a solid forty-five minutes for the attendants to finish their work, during which the royals checked into the hotel. 

Xander, as King, led his siblings in. A troupe of ducklings following their parent. Camilla had to stifle a laugh at the imagery. Elise would fit the part; her innocent and kind nature resembled that of the fowl. Leo, on the other hand...well, he'd be more of a goose. Relatively harmless, but willing to attack a person for no reason.

She must've chuckled; Leo frowned in her periphery. Always so serious. Her brother really needed to loosen up. Perhaps he would when he saw his Hoshidan counterpart--they'd also kept in contact, although it seemed he didn't want anyone to know it.

The war made Camilla an insomniac, and there was nothing more boring than being awake when no one else was. She required entertainment. Therefore, she made it her business to know her brother's business. 

Odin had left his liege a letter before disappearing, so she only had to persuade Niles to let her pass. Although he had a reputation for being corrupt, the outlaw wouldn't allow anyone to harm his lord. Camilla slunk past after lying through her teeth--a skill she'd honed since childhood.

She opened the door, inch by inch, then tiptoed over to his desk. A single piece of parchment, written in Leo's signature calligraphy, lay before her. The princess ran her eyes over the document.

Ju't cffo b xijmf tjodf xf'wf tffo fbdi puifs. J njtt uif gffmjoh pg zpvs tljo bhbjotu njof, zpvs mjqt bhbjotu nz pxo. Xf eftfswf ujnf bmpof. Up tjnqmz fokpz fbdi puifs't qsftfodf. J'n dpvoujoh uif ebzt voujm uif tvnnju--qfsibqt xf dbo tmjq bxbz uifo, xifo fzft bsfo'u po vt. Sfqmz vtjoh uif tbnf uzqf pg dpef, cvu tijgu gpsxbse b ejggfsfou bnpvou. Xf nvtu cf dbsfgvm. Nz tjcmjoht bsf optz, boe J jnbhjof zpvst bsf uif tbnf. J mpwf zpv, nz ojhiujohbmf.

Nonsense; It wasn't Hoshidan, which had a different character system, and it surely was no tribal dialect, such as that of the Wolfskin. Knowing her little brother, however, Camilla determined that it (most likely) was a code. Things had gotten interesting. As she reached for the paper--to snatch, copy, and return it--her brother's steady breathing grew shallow. He was going to wake up. 

Camilla dropped to the floor and crawled beneath the desk. It had more than enough room to conceal her--even with her curves. 

Leo's bed creaked, and she saw two feet hit the floor. The prince shuffled toward Camilla, and she pressed herself backward. 

"Ugh, I left the damn thing out." Leo murmured. A smack rang out. Camilla pictured her brother dragging his palm down his face. He did that an awful lot nowadays. Maybe he developed the habit during the war.

A swish. He must've grabbed the paper. Damn. 

The feet retreated, and moved toward the door. He was on the move. Damn.

Light poured into the room, then faded away. Camilla crawled out of her hiding spot. She needed to follow him. 

Several flights of steps later, Camilla found her brother heading toward the pigeon coop. All of Leo's acquaintances were Nohrian, so the recipient had to be Hoshidan. Specifically, that Hoshidan prince, Takumi. Why did they need a code? Ooh, this had to be juicy.

In the nightlight, the princess smiled. Her brother had a friend. Or, something more. 

That had been some weeks ago. Now, the princess frowned. How could her brother, a quiet, introverted, and insecure boy have someone warming his bed whilst Camilla, a warm, outgoing, confident woman had to sleep alone? It was a travesty. 

In layman's terms, she had less game than him. When did that happen? Oh gods, now she was the insecure one. 

Camilla really needed to take a lover. One that wasn't a retainer.

Xander handed each of his siblings a key. "Our rooms are to the left. Each room has its own key, so don't share or lose your copy. Now then, to our chambers." The King spun around, marching to his room.

The elder princess stood still, observing her surroundings. Elise and Leo went off to their rooms after passing her by. 

A woman with navy hair stood at the check-in counter. She spoke in a hushed voice to the innkeeper. Camilla let her eyes drift over the stranger's face. Crisscrossing scars met over the bridge of her nose. A woman who knew how to fight. 

Camilla's eyes remained on the woman, even as she turned around, showing her full face. Upon seeing the princess's stare, the stranger smiled and red stained her cheeks. 

Mayhaps she'd have a lover after all.


	6. Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azura and Kamui check in on the Nohrians, who have arrived a few hours ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking into the sixth installment of "But I Can't Accept That We're Estranged" ft. more Xander characterization and Azura sass! Comment your ideas about the plot, criticisms or appraisals, or whatever you want! Enjoy!

Although the Nohrians had arrived a day early, none of them had visited Kamui. 

They were only familyish. It wasn't like she missed them--no, not at all. Not like she ached for Xander to ruffle her hair. Or for Camilla to kiss her forehead. Or for Leo to rant about a new book. She surely didn't look forward to tea parties with Elise. 

They were only familyish...Right?

Azura cleared her throat, "Kamui, I'm about to check on the Nohrians; make sure the arrangements are to their liking. Wanna come with?"

The Queen of Valla blinked. Once. Twice.

"Um, sure. I'll come along." A nervous laugh.

Azura rolled her eyes. "Kamui, you can't just avoid them. Like it or not, they're the leaders of our border countries." The songstress stalked forward. "For the sake of diplomacy, put your petty problems behind you." Her eyes grew distant. "You're a queen, so act like it."

Kamui narrowed her eyes, squinting at the peculiar expression on her cousin's face. "You alright, Azura?"

A smile, a saccharine one. "Just peachy." 

The two women exited their palace in silence, letting it suffocate them.

The songstress was the first to give in, albeit it was to alert the guards that Queen Kamui was leaving; security was rather lax at Gyges--the recently revived sentinels were out of practice. It was a miracle that no attempts had been made on Kamui's life. A luxury that most certainly would disappear.

Valla was a house of cards--they'd been a nation for less than a year. Despite hiring several competent officials to oversee what Her Majesty couldn't, Vallites were volatile people. Azura's mother, Arete, had been one of the rare few that was tranquil. She was an untouched lake in a forgotten forest, illuminated by the sun as it rose over the horizon.

Azura missed her mother right now. Her back rubs, her melodic voice as she taught her daughter the songs of her people. Arete always knew what to do. Arete would know how to circumnavigate this. Arete would appeal to the hearts of her people. That's it!

The songstress needed to call a public conference. She knew what she had to do. Or, what she needed to advise Kamui to do. 

As the revelation ran through the advisor's mind, her superior thought of something quite different. 

Were there any women like her among the Vallites?

Kamui was frustrated. In more ways than one. And having her dear cousin live down the hall--where she could hear everything coming from the Queen's bedchamber--wasn't helping matters.

Her Highness desired, for lack of better words, a good lay. She hadn't had sex since...oh gods. She couldn't remember. As soon as Azura and her had checked in with the royals, she was gonna find a girl and screw her brains out.

Damn, she really was pent up. A blush spread across her face. Her advisor turned her neck, observing her cousin's rosy cheeks. 

Azura raised an eyebrow. "Are you alright, Kamui?"

The Queen nodded. "Just fine, Azura. And you?"

She squinted. "I don't believe you, but I'll let it go just this once. We're almost at the Nohrians' hotel anyway." 

Not a few minutes later, the women stood before the wooden building. Its lanterns swung in a slight breeze, as if announcing the Queen's arrival. 

"Are we gonna go in, or are you just gonna stand there?" Azura crossed her arms. 

Kamui rolled her eyes. "Yes, of course. I'm just sorting through my feelings."

Azura shrugged. "They're familyish. You'll do fine."

Sucking in a breath, Kamui rolled her shoulders back. She puffed her chest out and marched forward two steps. The songstress chuckled. 

Kamui halted, and pivoted around to face her cousin. 

She touched her hair, placing her palm against the silvery locks."Does my hair look okay?"

Now Azura was the one to roll her eyes, pushing Kamui through the entrance in tandem.

The interior of the hotel was similar to its exterior. Wooden walls with minimalist decoration. Tasteful infusions of both Nohrian and Hoshidan culture, despite the strong Vallite overtones. 

Kamui, assuming her royal posture once more, approached the check-in desk. As soon as the receptionist saw her, the old lady bowed. Kamui bowed back.

Speaking in stilted Nohrian, the woman croaked out, "Your Majesty! How may I..." She paused. "serve you on this day?"

The Queen smiled. "Your Nohrian is truly impeccable!" The lady beamed, smile lines coming into full view. "If it is not too much trouble, I would like to know the Nohrian room numbers. I want to check and see how they have settled in." Kamui spoke without contractions, so as to not confuse the receptionist, and in a drawn out--but not condescending--tone.

The receptionist scrunched her face, processing her Queen's request. Azura opened her mouth, about to translate her liege's words into Vallian, when the lady replied.

"I put the four in the first rooms down that path." She pointed past the two, down a long hallway. Kamui followed her finger with her eyes before gazing at the woman once more.

"Xièxiè." The lady's eyes widened and nearly popped out of her head.

She bowed, deeper than before. "bù yòng xiè." Kamui bowed just as low, and rose at the same pace.

Azura led the way to the nearest room, Kamui following behind. She lifted a hand to knock on the door, yet heard a muffled female voice behind it.

"Oh my gods. Oh my gods oh my gods oh my godssss. Oh my oh my oh my oh my." Azura pulled back and cocked her head. The voice grew in intensity and volume. "OH MY GODS OH MY GODS OH MY GODDDDSSSSSS YES YES YESSSSSS AHHHHHH." Azura was a statue, though her face radiated heat. 

Kamui put a hand on her shoulder. "Let's check out the next room and come back to this one, yeah? Seems like one of the royals is getting busy." She squinted her eyes, jealous at whoever was getting lucky while she had to get proper.

The Queen directed her advisor to the room across the hall. Azura straightened her posture, then knocked three times.

Kamui heard bedsheets rustle. Were the Nohrians still in bed? She lowered her eyebrows. 

The songstress studied her face. "Do you hear something?" 

"Yes, didn't you hear that rustling?" Now there were footsteps.

Azura shook her head. "No, my hearing isn't as..advanced as yours."

Barking out a laugh, Kamui grinned, "Must be a part-dragon thing."

Azura smirked back. 

The footsteps stopped just before the door. A hickory eye peered through the peephole.

A baritone voice boomed, "Who is there?"

Kamui chortled, "Xander, it's me." The door swung open. "I'm just here to see how you're--wow you look tired." The King of Nohr wore rumpled silk pajamas. 

He gave an apologetic smile. "I apologize; the journey here was long, and I've been resting ever since. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow." 

Azura deadpanned, "We can tell." Kamui elbowed her in the ribs. "Ow!"

"She means to say," The Queen directed a glare her way. "'We're glad to see you're settling in'".

A brief silence. Kamui fiddled with her hands, as Xander leaned against the door frame. 

The songstress sighed, "May I ask you a question, Your Highness?" 

Xander nodded, all laziness leaving his eyes.

"Which of your siblings is residing in that room?" She pointed her thumb over her shoulder, to the first room they had seen. It was near silent now, although Kamui could hear slight pants.

The King pursed his lips. "Ah, I believe that Camilla has taken her residence there."

Kamui froze. Azura put a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. Honestly, the Queen should have known. Xander was much more secretive about his sexual pursuits, Leo didn't seem to show interest in romance, and Elise was far too young to have relations of that sort.

Camilla was the most likely to be unabashed and open about her experiences.

The only question was, who was she sleeping with? It sounded like a woman earlier, but that couldn't be right. Camilla was straight. At least, Kamui thought she was. If she wasn't, then--a spark of hope flared in her chest.

Wait--why did Kamui care about this at all? Who Camilla slept with was the princess's business--no one else's.

Yet as the Queen of Valla spared a glance at Camilla's door, she couldn't help but wish she was in there instead.


	7. Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camilla thinks about her relationship with Kamui; that's about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a short break, here's the seventh installment of "But I Can't Accept That We're Estranged"! Enjoy!

Her chest heaved. Sweat rolled down her back. She stared at the ceiling.

A hand brushed against hers. Grabbing it, she released her grip on the satin sheets. She turned her neck, admiring her lover's complexion.

A flush colored the other woman's face, a lovely rose that juxtaposed with her midnight hair. The former traced a finger over the latter's scars. 

"How'd you get these, darling?"

"Well, Your Highne--"

The royal slipped her finger down onto her lover's lips. "You can call me Camilla, Reina. No need for formalities." She winked. "We've already seen all of each other."

Reina offered a half smile. "Why of course." 

The princess tucked locks of hair behind the knight's ear. "So? How'd you get those sexy," She dragged her lips along one mark--"Beautiful"--then the other. "Scars?"

Reina's grin widened, showing teeth. "It was my first battle." Camilla rested her head on her palm. "I was raised in a noble family, although I had a hunger to fight." Stars entered Reina's eyes. "A desire to cut enemies down, hear their final screams, hold their hearts as they stop beating." She closed her eyes, and shivered. "It makes me tingle even now." Her eyelids sprang open. "Anyway, I had finally convinced nearby soldiers to let me fight with them in a legitimate battle." 

As the woman regaled Camilla with her tales of battle, the princess let her thoughts drift. Of course she was enthralled with the ravishing lady before her, but a veil seemed to separate Camilla's brain from Reina's words.

Why hadn't Kamui visited yet? The Nohrians had arrived mid-morning, and it was now past noon. Then again, maybe the Queen of Valla was playing hard to get. The half-dragon was rather petty sometimes. However, that would imply she'd done something to make said Queen uncomfortable. Oh dear. It must've been the letters. She'd nearly forgotten about them. 

Camilla had sent dozens of letters to her. Most of them were plain--just little notes about the happenings at Castle Krakenburg--but the rest consisted of the princess pouring out her heart. Her fear of dying alone. The intimacy she shared with her retainers. The guilt she carried every time she used her body to fulfill a goal. She wrote like a murderer on his deathbed. Every sin, every bad thing she'd been involved in, exposed.

It hurt to write her experiences out like that. Candid, straightforward. What she had put herself through as a means to an end. As if her past actions carried no more weight than that of ink on paper. 

Yet she trusted Kamui with it. Camilla had once told the now-Queen that she would lay down her life for her; perhaps Kamui hadn't realized to what extent. Maybe Camilla had frightened the poor girl. Oh dear. This was bad. 

The banquet was tomorrow, and the Queen would be disgusted with her. Her Corrin would look uncomfortable up there, alright, but not because of the formality. Every time she'd look at Camilla, she'd only see what she had done. 

Those glowing carmine eyes would never meet her own with happiness. Or gods forbid love. That smile she'd been looking forward to--never directed toward her again. 

Even as Reina got dressed, kissed the princess goodbye, and left the room, Camilla laid in her bed. She would take a bath soon. After all, it wouldn't do for her to stay inside all day. She was an ambassador for gods' sake; what image would it send if she stayed in her bedroom all day?

She slid out of her sheets, naked, and strode over to her bathroom. A squat toilet, a sink with a hand pump, and what looked like a round barrel. That must've been the bath. Quite a bit different from Nohr, but she could make it work. 

As Camilla approached the barrel, she noticed a smaller bucket inside of it. That must've been to fill it up. However, there was no servant present to use it. Did Vallites draw their own bath? Was it solely a royal privilege to have another person pour your bathwater for you? Would it be considered rude if she went to the front desk and asked? In the end, Camilla decided she could do it herself.

Basing the process on what'd she'd seen servants do, the princess grabbed the bucket and approached the sink. She placed it beneath the hand pump and then grabbed its handle. A few pumps later, and clear water pitter-pattered against the bottom. Once the bucket was full, she waved a hand over it, murmuring a spell under her breath. While she preferred to wield an axe on the battlefield, she was rather proficient in magic. 

Steam rolled off of the bucket in waves, and Camilla poured it into the barrel. She returned to the sink and refilled the bucket quite a few times, making sure to heat it each time. Eventually, the barrel was full enough for a bath, and Camilla slipped in. She sighed as the water met her skin, scalding it and turning it red. 

Closing her eyes, she sank deeper into the water. Wait a minute. She forgot to get soap. One incantation later, the problem was rectified; a scented bar of soap materialized before her. She lifted the scent to her nose. Lavender. Her favorite. Humming to herself, she rubbed the bar over her arms and legs.

This was the first time in a long while she had bathed in complete solitude. It was rather nice, if she was being honest. No servants either much too eager or way too frightened. No mumbled observations that would become gossip. It was just Camilla. While she'd felt alone on the journey here, it had been a cold, bitter feeling. Bathing alone was a much calmer experience.

Was this what an onsen was like? She was yet to visit one, though she'd heard stories. Multiple people bathing together. It seemed a little low-class, but she supposed it was good for bonding. Mayhaps she could sneak a dip with her Corrin. That is, assuming the letters didn't exist. Camilla sank below the water, holding her nose shut. Those damned letters. She couldn't be rid of them. The princess should have never sent them in the first place. 

As the urge to breathe burned her lungs, she breached the water's surface. The pads of her fingers and toes were wrinkled by now, and the water was lukewarm. Crawling out of the barrel, she spotted a towel. She stepped across the smooth floor. It would be rather unfortunate were she to slip. Camilla grabbed the fabric and wrapped it around her body. She would put a robe on soon, but she had to dry off first. Wiping the towel on her skin, she marveled at its texture. So soft. She had to ask the front desk what fabric they used. 

The princess finished wiping herself off and snatched a bathrobe hanging behind a door. It was a little snug around the bust, but she could make it work. She tied the belt around her waist tight and adjusted the neckline. That was better. She didn't want to show her breasts to all of Valla. Camilla walked to her door and unlocked it, stepping into the hallway. 

She turned to the right and walked toward the front desk. She pondered what she would say. She had memorized important Vallite phrases--so as to communicate her poor fluency and ask if the native spoke Nohrian at all--so she had a basic idea. As the lady behind the desk--a teal-haired, orange-eyed, typical Vallian--noticed the princess approaching, she prepared to bow.

"You've grown so much, Elise!" Wait. Was that--?

Camilla pivoted, her locks jostled in the motion. It was.

"Co--Kamui?"


	8. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camilla and Kamui reunite--only to find ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for tuning into the eighth installment of "But I Can't Accept That We're Estranged"! Sorry for the long wait; I won't make any excuses. Onto the story! Enjoy!

The Queen of Valla stood still. She released Elise's hand--which she had been holding--and turned to face the voice.

Camilla. Dressed in a tight-fitting bathrobe. Which had a generous amount of cleavage. Kamui blushed, covering her face with her hands. She could hear Azura's palpable sigh behind her. The half-dragon pictured her cousin resting her face against the palm of her hand. 

Kamui hadn't explicitly divulged her sexuality to the songstress. Azura had enough on her plate during the war--raising troop morale and all--and she didn't want to add to it. Aside from that, she didn't know how her cousin would take it. Would she be supportive or intolerant? Comfortable or discouraging?

When Azura did find out, it was by sheer luck. It was near the end of the war, after the armies had entered Valla. Soldiers had made camp, and the sun had set hours before. Meanwhile, Felicia writhed beneath a half-dragon.

Her hair was down, out of its normal ponytail, and splayed around her in a fan--pink-brown against the stark white pillow. Her flushed cheeks created a similar juxtaposition with her ivory skin. Kamui, somewhere beyond the lust dominating her thoughts, found the image sacred. 

"K-Kamui!" Felicia whined. The future Queen of Valla had reduced the speed of her ministrations, unwittingly teasing the maid. She smirked. 

Leaning into her partner, Kamui bypassed her lips to speak into her ear. "You're so cute like this, Felicia." A husky chuckle. "I could just eat you up." The half-dragon retreated, maintaining eye contact, and licked her lips. The other woman shivered.

The maid pressed deeper into the cot as her lover kissed down her torso to her abdomen. It was then, when Kamui was about to get down to business, that Azura flipped open the tent.

"Kamui, you really need to stop staying up so late!" Her arms were crossed and she squinted in the dim candlelight. "It's not good for your healt- Ah!" The songstress flung her hands in front of her eyes, which had adjusted to the darkness. "I saw nothing. Hello, Felicia." A wave with one of the hands, which quickly was replaced. "I'm leaving. Um...bye." One backward stumble out of the tent later, and the mood was ruined.

When Kamui brought it up to her cousin, she denied any event had occurred and that was that. However, as Kamui's face burned hotter than the Hoshidan sun, her cousin was surely recalling the incident. 

The Nohrian princess smiled and outstretched her arms, "Aren't you going to greet your big sister?"

Elise stomped her foot and stuck her bottom lip out, "Aww, Camilla! You're cutting into my Kamui time!" 

Camilla giggled, one hand hovering before her mouth. "I'm certain you can get some more later." She strode forward. Did her hips always sway like that? "If the Queen of Valla has time, of course." Kamui gulped. Was her voice always so sultry? Damn, she was horny. 

Kamui flashed a grin and turned back to Elise, squatting a little to match her height. "Anything for you, Elise."

"Ahem." Azura cleared her throat. "I hate to interrupt your family bonding, but people are starting to stare." A gesture toward the innkeeper. "Might we enter your room, Princess?" Azura faced Elise.

She stroked an imaginary beard and squinted. "Hmm. Why not?" She clutched her hands together underneath her chin. One arm behind her back and one extended before her--similar to the pose of a butler-- Elise presented the doorway with a flourish. 

As the three strode in, the princess narrated. "Welcome to Elise de wòshì! That's the Vallian translation." She winked. "A.k.a..." Elise drifted off. Straightening her back and furrowing her eyebrows, the princess resumed speaking. "Erīze no shinshitsu in Hoshidan!" She pumped a fist upward through the air. "Sakura is gonna be sooo proud of me!" 

Azura raised her eyebrows, then put her hands together, starting to clap. "Impressive Vallian. I'm surprised you've learned how to demonstrate possession; it's not a typical thing to study when first learning a language."

Elise entered the room, closing the door behind her. She rocked on her heels. "I've been studying it ever since the war ended; Leo snagged some books from an abandoned library in the old Valla, and quite a bit were written for children."

The songstress cocked her head. "What luck." A haze overtook her eyes once more, and she remained still. She shook her head side-to-side rapidly. "Have you read any folk tales?"

As the two discussed Vallite bedtime stories, Camilla scanned the room, observing the decor. Vases of magnolia and peonies. More wooden paneling. 

Kamui drew near to the princess, and clasped her hands against her torso. "Do you like what you see?"

"Hmm?" She turned back to the Queen. 

The half-dragon scratched her wrist. "The flowers. I hate to act all professional to you, since you're..." Familyish. She couldn't finish the sentence, instead staring at the floor.

The elder princess inhaled sharply. 

A whisper. "I'm what?" If the Queen said they were family, she'd be lying. If she spoke the truth, Camilla would feel hurt. "Spit it out, dear. I've prepared myself for this. I know what you're going to say."

Kamui flicked her eyes up. "You do?" Did she understand Kamui's position? Had she outgrown her naiveté, recognized her father's sins as such?

Camilla's eyebrows turned downward, yet the corners of her mouth tweaked upward. "I know you've read the letters."

"What letters?" Kamui crossed her arms. 

The elder princess raised her palm to her face. "Please don't lie to me. I can face the truth." She pivoted, watching the wall once more.

"What truth? Camilla, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." Kamui reached a hand out to rest on the Princess's shoulder. 

She ducked away. Her voice was thin as gossamer. "I-i must go." Camilla spun, her hair twirling about, and all but darted to the door. 

Azura and Elise stopped their conversation, interrupted by a door slamming.

Letters? What letters? Kamui racked her brain for any sort of correspondence. Nothing. No letters had passed over her desk. 

Yet Camilla's shoulders shook as she passed through the doorway.

These letters--whatever they were--must have been important. And since she didn't have them, she'd have to go to the source. 

Kamui launched through Elise's entrance, searching for the Rose of Nohr.


	9. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to Camilla's childhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! It's a bit longer than the other chapters, so hopefully that makes up for it. Thanks for clicking and enjoy!

Words had always been Camilla's weakness. 

They sliced deeper than any blade, carved deeper than any whip. In fact, it was more words than images that kept her from a good night's rest. Those words typically came from somewhere else. Not her own lips. 

Well, there was the time with her mother's murder. But she'd gotten over that relatively quickly; it burdened her more to hold the secret rather than to release it. Now, however, she was thoroughly screwed. She should've burned those horrid letters when she had the chance. Kill them at their source. Then again, the source was her, wasn't it?

Camilla had tried once before. It had been months since she'd been able to see Corrin--the only thing that would stop her. The elder princess was thirteen, and had already noticed the lecherous gazes of Nohrian men. Wraiths of her mother taunted her, teased her. 

Thus, she'd found a scarf in her wardrobe, fastened it around her neck, and tugged a chair to the center of the room. Climbing onto the seat, Camilla reached up to a rafter. She tied a knot around the beam, hands steadier than those of a seamstress. 

The princess closed her eyes. I'm sorry, my dear Corrin. She smiled. Please forgive me. Camilla blinked away tears. I love you. She kicked the chair across the room, and it fell to the floor with a clatter. 

Of course, she failed. Like she failed to please her mother. Or to protect Azura. Like she'd done since birth. A faceless maid, common and unimportant--the most dangerous type--found Camilla not two minutes later, unconscious and swaying back and forth. At least, that's what she'd been told. The princess was told many things in her youth--most of which were untrue.

That her "ailment"--that's what the physicians called it, an ailment--was only a result of bad air. Her bedroom was the problem, they claimed. So was the next room they confined her to, and the next; she attempted suicide three more times in as many days. Eventually, she had a babysitter. An armed guard was to accompany her everywhere--even the latrine. It was humiliating enough for a young woman of marriageable age to be constantly monitored. It was another level of mortification to lose even the privacy of a restroom. 

Two days into this arrangement, and Camilla had had enough. She was exhausted. The poking and prodding tired her out--it would be too much work to actually kill herself, she'd have to make an opportunity--and she needed Corrin. Camilla needed to know that this failure was for a reason, that it wasn't her fault, but that of an amoral god.

A week of good behavior--smiles, "thank you"s, curtsies, and all--had earned her babysitter's trust. He let himself sleep, certain the princess was genuine. His mistake. When he had been snoring for a while and the moon dangled in the heavens, Camilla made her move. She crawled beneath a window, then rose and stuck a leg over the window sill, straddling the cold stone. Grasping the edge of the mantel, she flung the other limb over and dug her toes into makeshift footholds. 

She descended until she hit the ground, pausing to catch her breath; she hadn't had a chance to train in the past two weeks, and it showed. Camilla scanned her surroundings: loose leaves, an empty courtyard, the massive wyvernhouse, some guards positioned by the front gates. She'd have to be quiet, but she could do this. 

Camilla tiptoed to the wyvern house. While horses would be safer, they were more skittish. The slightest noise could cause them to rear up, hurling her to the stony ground. The fall might kill her, if she landed wrong...She shook the enticing thought away. If she was going to die, she would do it herself. On her own terms. And certainly not without seeing Corrin one more time.

Thus, she snuck into the tower, her nightgown trailing behind her. Not two steps into the first room, and seven pairs of eyes blinked at her. They sniffed the air, contemplated, then closed their eyes, letting her pass. Half a minute later, all of them were snoring. Good. Now to find her mount. 

The princess knew he was somewhere around here, but could never remember which room he favored. Then again, Marcellus liked to hide. There was a substantial chance that he was teasing her. Rather than attempt to spot his scales of burnt ember in the darkness, Camilla called his name.

"Marcellus? Please come out." He'd only been her mount for a little over three years, but they'd bonded rather well. He would come when called. Usually. Well, only after having his fun first. 

Silence responded. She sighed and tapped her foot on the chilled stone floor. "Marcy, dear, I don't have all night. I know you've been wanting to stretch your wings; make yourself known and I can make that happen." 

The air around her shifted. A pause in the monotonous silence. He was thinking it through. The sounds of leather flapping, then a blast of air blew her hair over her shoulder. Camilla blinked. Marcellus, in all his ten-foot-tall glory, stood before her. She smirked. 

"Now was that so hard?"

Camilla extended her arm toward him. He leaned down, and she ran her hand down his neck, as if to pet him. The world stood still. She matched his breathing with her own. His eyelids fluttered--once, twice-- then closed. She removed her hand, and his eyes snapped open.

"To the Northern Fortress!"

****

The wind cut through each strand of Camilla's hair. It dragged its fingers through every piece, tickling her scalp. For the first time in months, she laughed. 

Flying free was her greatest joy. To feel air rushing from, to, above, below, before, behind her. To join a flock of birds or a colony of bats. To touch the moon and embrace the stars. To fly was to challenge gravity, fight the universe, and determine one's own fate. It was a sacred experience for Camilla--something she'd been desperately needing.

Yet she hadn't felt the high for a long while. Nowadays, every time she was in the sky, it was only for training. To practice various techniques of weapon-wielding whilst balancing on Marcellus's back. Regimented, routine. But this... this roaring in her blood, this screaming in her soul, this...this was what flying was meant to be. This was its true unbridled form. 

The princess couldn't help but howl, a she-wolf freed from her cage. 

Even better, each second brought her closer to Corrin. Sweet, innocent Corrin. Just the thought of her brought on a high that rivaled that of flying. Her laugh, her hair, her eyes. And Camilla was to see her this very night. Tingles emanated throughout her body. 

She shut her eyes and let herself drift off. The wind stroked her back, easing her into a cushy blackness. 

*****

Camilla woke up to the feeling of Marcellus landing. His wings forced the air outward, drawing nearer to the verdant forest below. Though as the ground came closer, a slate structure broke the unrelenting green. 

"Here already? You make good time, Marcy." Camilla sat up, stretched backward, and yawned. The sun hadn't broken the horizon. The fortress was several hours away by carriage, and Camilla had departed from Castle Krakenburg late into the night. Marcellus had made the trip in but an hour, if that. 

He ignored her, choosing to focus on landing instead. She pursed her lips. 

The landing was soft and silent; perfect for a stealth mission--or to sneak past Gunter while his did his nightly rounds. Camilla hopped off of Marcellus's back and patted his flank, a signal. He would circle the fortress until she whistled for him. Meanwhile, the princess stepped across the grass, walking heel to toe and avoiding twigs. 

She approached the fortress, face to face with a wall of stone. She scanned the barrier for footholds. Bingo. Shoving her hand in a crevice and lifting a leg, Camilla began to climb. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. The process grew monotonous, but it was worth it for Corrin. Everything she did was for Corrin. Well, except what she attempted weeks ago. That was selfish.

To leave poor Corrin alone in a cruel world, unprotected from assassins, perverts, monsters. Camilla, being all of the above, was the only one able to save her from them. Of course, Corrin deserved better. But Camilla strove to be better. To redeem herself. Then again, that was just using Corrin, wasn't it? Camilla really was selfish. 

Halfway off the ground, she paused. Would Corrin even be happy to see her? What if all this--escaping her guards, waking Marcellus up, flying miles away from home--was for nothing? She was so selfish. Selfish selfish selfish. She should go back to Windmire, to Xander, Elise, Leo. Even Garon. She should go back to where she belongs. She wasn't meant to be here--she didn't fit. She was a piece of a different puzzle, a different world, trying to force herself into Corrin's. 

Or, she could stay here. Camilla could keep climbing, scaling this wall and entering through a window. She could indulge herself, see Corrin--maybe even chat with her, if she was still awake at this ungodly hour. Yes, that was sounding better by the minute. Just a peek. Maybe a cuddle.

Camilla reached the window. She hefted herself upward, easing herself into the room. It was dark--the moon was the sole light source-- but Camilla's eyes soon adjusted. There was a four-poster bed with drab curtains, and a lump under the covers. Heel-to-toe, heel-to-toe. The princess grasped a corner of the comforter between her thumb and forefinger, peeling it back inch by inch. 

Silver locks shined back at her. What luck! She had entered Corrin's chambers. Careful not to wake the sleeping girl, Camilla peeled the covers back farther. Corrin was lying on her side. The elder of the two sat beside the younger, patting the other's head. Removing her hand and pulling her legs up, Camilla slid under the covers and wrapped an arm around Corrin's waist. She'd have to wake before the sun to arrive home before the guards realized she was ever gone, but she had an hour or two to relax. 

She could take the time to be selfish, just for a little bit.


End file.
